


anxiety

by sixth_dr_whomst



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Gen, Nonbinary Doctor (Doctor Who), unused scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 07:32:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15552729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sixth_dr_whomst/pseuds/sixth_dr_whomst
Summary: alary has anxiety thanks for coming to my tedtalk(please read the main fic in this collection before reading this! otherwise it wont make any sense <3)





	anxiety

They're doing it again, they're panicking unnecessarily again, and they know it. They don't want it, but it's happening anyways.

Their heart is going to beat out of their chest, they're so scared. Every noise is something approaching them, something hunting through the darkness of the bus to find them. They're going to die here, and now, with only Darcy and Mel to know they're gone.

_No, your family is still going to know, and so will Camp and Basil and Chiron._

They can't stop, they can't calm down. They feel like they're going to burst, explode, destroy themself and those around them. This isn't right, this isn't okay. They don't feel okay, they feel panicked and scared. They know that Darcy would want them to wake them up, to tell them that they need help, but they can't bring themself to do it. Darcy's exhausted, and besides, they probably don't really want to listen to Alary cry about their anxiety. So they leave them be, and a hot tear rushes down their cheek. They wipe it off quickly. They're swallowing it down, consuming the fear and hiding it, except it just means the pressure on their stomach increases. Little sparks pop from their fingers quietly, marking them as the internalizer of pain they are.

They stop, and force themself to relax. The sparks stop. They're still very scared, but they know that they need to stop and they need to get sleep. They check their watch, and it's time for Mel to take over the watch anyways. They lean over and shake her arm slightly. She hums in her sleep, but doesn't wake up. They shake her arm a little more forcefully. "Mel? Are you awake?" They whisper, trying to keep their voice steady.

She hums slightly, and opens her eyes. "What time is it?" She whispers back, eyes darting to look out the window.

"Almost 1 AM, local time. Your watch should say 2."

She nods. "What is it, what's wrong?"

They don't know how to say this, how to say "I'm so afraid that something is following me again that I'm going to explode." They settle for "I keep feeling like something is watching us, something on this bus. I think I'm getting more anxious with each cup of tea."

"Caffeine does raise anxiety." Mel recalls, her words slurring slightly from sleep, and sits up. "Here, let me take watch. Get some rest."

"Thank you." They say quietly, and lean back. 

Her eyes flit to their hands, which haven't stopped shaking, and they ball them into fists. Then they lean back into their seat again, tilting their snapback down over their eyes. After a moment's hesitation, they fold their arms too, Darcy shifts besides them, and they wonder for a moment if Darcy sensed their panic and came to rescue them. But they don't wake up, they just roll onto their side a little and continue to sleep.

* * *

 

They place a hand on Darcy's shoulder the next evening, after Mel has retreated to her room. Darcy looks at them, and they nod towards the laundry room. The two step away, aware of the look Narvin gives them, and Alary whispers, "I had an attack on the bus yesterday."

Darcy gives them what seems like a glare, at first, but it quickly softens to a look of concern. "You should have told me." They say quietly, placing a hand on their bicep.

"I know, I know, but you were exhausted and-"

Darcy cuts them off with a hug. Their arms move automatically to return it, but they aren't sure if they're feeling it. At this point, they're just exhausted, worn out from the constant yelling inside their brain that _OH GODS SHE'S DEAD, SOMETHING'S FOLLOWING ME, SHE'S DEAD SHE'S DEAD_

_SHE'S D E_

_A_

_D_

_GOD THEY'RE R_

_IGHT  BE  H  I   NDM  E_

Darcy's arms loosen. They place their hands on Alary's biceps again, quietly leaning over to make themself seem less tall. "Breathe, Alary. Deep breaths. Breathe with me."

And they're trying, they're doing their best, but it's hard. Darcy flinches slightly, and they realize they've been sparking again. "S- sor- ry." They stutter quietly, releasing their grip on Darcy and clenching their fists.

Darcy shakes their head. "It's alright, Alary, just keep breathing."

They sense movement behind them, and they freeze, suddenly too caught up in _O H G O D_ to do anything. Darcy shakes their head. "It's alright, it's just Romana passing by. Not anyone dangerous."

They nod quickly, legs shaking. Darcy starts to hum gently.

"I'm headed straight for the floor, the alcohol's served its tour-"

The sparks return to just their fingertips. They clench their fists harder, breathing deeply.

"-and it's headed straight for my skin, leaving me daft and dim-"

 _This song smells like leather._ Behind their eyelids they see a dark red. It's a change, at least.

"-I've got this shake in my legs, shaking the thoughts from my head-"

_Ha._

"-but who put these waves in the door, I'm cracking out, I pour-"

Alary starts to hum along with Darcy's melody.

-"I'm Mister Loverman, and I miss my lover, man-"

They exhale deeply. The sparks stop.

"-I'm Mister Loverman, and I miss my lover."

Darcy goes silent. Alary nods, and mumbles a quiet "thank you." Darcy shakes their head, and says, "Is another hug alright?"

Alary nods, and lets the tall blonde hug them softly.

**Author's Note:**

> while i technically finished this last week, i still had this little thought i wanted to post, just to make it clear. thanks for putting up with all my pjoau nonsense <3
> 
> also the song is "mr loverman" by ricky montgomery! i really love it, you should listen to it!


End file.
